HIHIIHIHII what is UPPPP? Happy times i finished placement at 12 TODAYY!! So i been chilling owt i am feeling just so relaxed.
omg i noticed how much i struggle when i don't have structure. uni does not give me structure at allll the times are different every day, and it's just so easy to skip lectures and you start snowballing. but oh my goodness have i been thriving during placement. it's a nice 9-5, and i'm in bed by 10. it's actually done wonders. sigh i really hope it lasts after placement!!! anywayyy WHAT is up it is finally friYAY and that means i have the whole evening to code YIPPEEEEEEEEE!!!! I made a whole list during my break of things i wanna do on here. i also was thinkingg this place has started to become a little negative so i removed things that bring a bad vibe with them. this is supposed to be a happy santuary for me after allll. this is a blog, not a diary. okay MOVING ONNNNN my friends were talking about miraculous and it made me want to watch it and i've been rewatching season 5 to refresh my mind for the new season and oh my goodness why does this kids show get me emotional at times?? when i tell you i would ride at DAWN for marinette. i do not understand the hate on my bechari because what do you mean she is living with so much guilt as a 14 YEAR OLD for losing the miraculouses. she's literally the youngest holder and a guardian at that?!?! wait stop because why am i about to tear up for a cartoon girl. i love her so much.
OMG by the way olivia rodrigo's new song came out today at 5am!!! drop dead!!! i love it so much but i am soooo impatient for the full album to come out on june 12th aghhh like that is too far away!!! also lowkey... i say this about anything BAHAHA but the vibes of her new album is so giving my neocities, like i love it so much. AND OH MY GOSH THE FONT IS THE EXACT SAME FONT AS THE ONE I WAS GOING TO USE FOR THIS BLOG but it was so hard to read in small !!!!!!! omg i need to add the song to my current faves music player right neeeowww. hmmm anything else to update you guys on? my placement partner is so lovely SHE GOT ME SNACKS FROM THE SHOPPPPSS. omg and she put me on this aloe vera drink i acc really like it i was a bit hesitant at first. it's kinda like mogu mogu but a fresher taste. okay blog i think that's it for now, im gonna start working on the website. SEE YAAA!!!!
hey blog!! I've evidently been down in the dumps so I have just been prioritising myself and doing a lot of work on myself and thinking etc. I'm back home which is ALWAYS amazing! Literally arrived about 30 minutes ago, I ate some food and just came upstairs (too a messy room ugh!!!!!) I've not been taking care of my space and environment recently - not from a lack of trying, in my defense I've been really busy then fell ill - but I'm ready to get things done and keep my safe spaces clean which I'm sure will in turn keep my mind clean too.
Guys I can't lie I am so tired!! I think my days of late sleeping are over. Yesterday I hit 20k steps unintentionally!!! It's 6pm right now today and I've only done 3K.. whoopssss. hahaha it's okay I'm definitely hitting 10K on the days I have work/uni. Okay what am I rambling on about. I'm really tired. But isn't it to late to nap now? I want to go to sleep at 10pm. SO that's 4 hours okay. Right now okay so I was just gonna write here everything I need to get done so I don't forget. Let's get starteddd
firstly, as always, clean my room. then hoover. then bring the humidifier up to my room (the dry air up here is soso bad for my throat omg). Then do laundry. Then I'll reward myself with some cheeky food (food is not a reward it's a necessity uhhh but you know). Next, wash my hair! I think this is the last time Imma wash my long ahh hair because I'm CUTTING IT!!! My mum was so happy to hear that lmao she's wanted it cut for sooooo long. My grandma will miss it though. And so will I of course, but I'm more ready than ever for a new beginning. And besides, it's not gonna be a crazy change. It's not like I'm going full on dora, I'm just having a few inch trim. ANYWAYS I digress.
So I'll wash it, exfoliate, shave, then when I come out I'll straighten it make it super niceeee. And I brought my EOS lotion home with me so I'll use that YAY. Then I'll change into my comfy pj's !! And have a lovely rest of the night, I'll probably watch bridgerton or work on the website or spend time with family. We'll see! Sighhh I really hope I get everything done. I'll update you soon!!
Happy friYAY guys! I love how I say ‘guys’ as if there’s going to be other people reading this. Anyway, quick mind dump before I start revision. I realised I am suuuper impatient. What I mean by that is, I am willing to put work into something but when I don’t see amazing results immediately I get annoyed. Why can’t I be amazing right now?? I’m so silly, I’m only 19 but I wanna be successful NOW. and renowned. And I wanna have everything sorted out. But right now I’m in the period where I’m currently shaping that future I wish for. So it’s up to me to shape it the best I can I guess. I don’t wanna have any more regrets…
I am QUITE stressed, actually, so I also thought I’d map out my plans for the next few weeks. This weekend I want to finish going through all the clinical tests I need to know for my formative assessment which is on the 16th. I got through a few of them yesterday at quite a good pace, so I want to aim to finish them by Saturday. Me and my partner for the assessment are also planning to book the clinic to practice. Then I have a group project for optics, so from Saturday - Monday I want to focus on optics revision (more like catch-up) so that on Tuesday when me and my group meet up for our lens experiment, I’m all clued up and will actually know what’s going on. Guys, I'm kinda terrible at optics… even thinking about it gives me anxiety. Just as soon as I think I’ve understood, I do a practice question and get it wrong nearly every time. I’m going to ask someone for a study date so they can help me out a lil coz I NEED it.
Then on that thursday I’m meeting with my other group for a project in another module, so before that I’ll just quickly look at some ideas for it. We’re aiming to finish our project presentation before placement so we have less to worry about when we come back. After we actually discuss the plan on thursday, I’ll work on my parts asap to get it out of the way.
Then mid-end April I have placement which I will NOT be revising during because I will be absolutely shattered throughout, so I want to make sure I know everything I need to in time for then. I have about a month so inshallah that’s plenty of time. After all, it’s really just one module I need to revise and the clinical tests will be fresh in my head after the formative assessment. I’m actually really grateful for that assessment as it’s given me a sort of deadline to lock in and it’s keeping me motivated!
Finally, (yep still not done), I have a poster due for a different module that I also want to get out of the way before placement. It doesn’t seem too daunting of a task, but things like this take me a lot of time. I’ll sort that out in early April.
PHEW! That’s all my tasks that'll keep me very busy for a while. You know what, I’m not complaining. I love being busy. When I’m idle I start having a bunch of existential crises and wonder if I’m doing the right thing with my life and question what I’m living for. But this is great!!!!
I’m sitting in the library today in my own little cubicle. I feel like atp it’s my designated spot. I only had one 9am-10am lecture this morning, then I walked here, had a little break and started writing in here to clear my mind. And it just hit 11!
Okay, I best actually get started on all this work. Now according to the plan I’ve laid out, I just need to focus on my clinical test revision today. Wow, this was SO great! I feel so much better after laying out my plans. I don’t feel as overwhelmed at all. Thanks blog!! Bye for now!!!!!!
PS: SARA REMINDER TO EMAIL MIRIAM BACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well hello there!!! The time is 00:25 and ughhh i feel so nauseous. Ive been feeling this way for the past few days and idk how to get rid of it sigh. Im not ill either. Anyway ill live. My sleep isnt finding me rn and my mind is very awake so i thought i’d do a little brain dump before bed?
Quick psa… my thoughts aren’t special or original, i don’t think i am Socrates, i’m not a preacher, im just saying whatever’s on my mind!! And this is gonna be really jumbled.
Hmmmm the first thing I wanna talk about is this. Loving yourself is so important. But what comes first is humility!!! You are not better than anyone. Everyone is on a journey. And when you have truly reached self love you won’t feel a need to compare yourself to anyone. And instead you can appreciate the amazing qualities in the people around you without feeling envy. If someone does have what you want, you don’t feel insecure, you’ll feel inspired!!! The most beautiful thing about self love is that by extension you get to see the beauty in everything else around you.
Another thing I was thinking about is how I have been going about things all wrong for a while now. How silly of me?? I got so lost in my mind and shut out all the things I have to be grateful for, just because of tiny little (and completely irrational) thoughts that I allowed to fester in my mind. Only to realise those little feelings are nothing in comparison to everything I have been gifted in my life.
And really, some things that i’ve been upset about are actually past prayers that are being answered. I really do get everything i want, i just needed to see things from a different perspective.
OKAY I just realised this is such a good place to be self critical. Not in a bad way. Usually when i analyse my behaviour i’ll do it on a piece of paper then throw it away. But maybe this is good because i can see my progress. I just want to be the best version of myself i can be, and maintain good character and a good heart. I wanna be humble, i wanna help people, i wanna be someone people can come to, knowing they won’t be judged. I dont need to be cool or popular, I just want to be a safe space for people. I want to improve every day. And DAMN there is space for improvement.
NEXT THOUGHT!!! I’m not listening to music because of ramadan. But GYATTTTT DAMN i’ve heard lil snippets of songs and it’s making me go crazy!! I really wanna listen to baby steps by olivia dean PROPERLY, and also bruno mars’ new album SPECIFICALLY risk it all!! I’ve heard like 10 seconds and it sounds SO romantic. AAAHHHHH!!!!!!
NEXT THOUGHT!!! Oh my goodness i just love my high school friends. We had a kinda deep talk the other day at wonderlust, and it was very eye opening and needed. We were talking about old friends and how sometimes it’s better to just end a friendship clean cut when you realise you are different people and have both changed and grown apart, instead of painfully dragging it on. Because wouldn’t you rather hold on to the good memories than risk the friendship ending badly and that’s all you have to remember it by?
NEXT THOUGHT!!! It is OKAY to take up space!!!! You deserve it just as much as anyone else!!! You belong!!!!
I think that’s it for now. That was really good and really fun. I have to be up super early tomorrow as I have a train at 8am back to uni :3 bye for now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WELL HELLO THERE!!!!! It’s my first ever blog entry! This should be fun. Today is the 2nd day of Ramadan. What a day. I woke up for sehri with only 2 HOURS of sleep, and had bananas on nutella toast which was SO buss I literally don’t know why I haven’t had it in so long. I need to start having it again. Anyway I tried to stay up after fajr BUT I WAS JUST TOOO TIRED so I ended up falling asleep again and woke up at 8:30…. Aka LATE FOR CLASS BECAUSE I HAD A 9AM LECTURE AND IT’S A HALF AN HOUR WALK.
But not to worry, I got to class only 5 minutes late!! I had to catch an uber which was so annoying coz I’m tryna save money but at least it was only a fiver I guess. So today I had 2 anatomy lectures and another ‘fodder’ module (as nawaha likes to call it). I spent the whoooole day sleep deprived, but at least I had a little fun with my friends. I’m still so tired now which is why this entry won’t be in a lot of detail at all. I got like 3-4 hours sleep in total last night? That and fasting together just killed me AWFFF today. Never again. It’s currently 8 minutes until 9 and best believe I’m sleeping asap. Anyway yeah I’m on the phone to the foursome right now and we’re just chilling and talking I love it. Bro I have sooooooo many other things I want to talk about today but I’m just too tired to type. OKAY BYE BYE FOR NOW THIS WAS FUN CATCH U LATER!!
